Thursday, July 30, 2009

Dis-advantages Of A Water Cooled Engine

NeoTexNippo kitchen, "slump" and Other Thoughts on Texas


I am leaving Austin today. I will spare you all the whining I have been unloading on my friends compassionate ears through the Internet all the week : the scorching heat, the dreadful jetlag,the windows you can’t open even at midnight because you still feel like you just opened the oven in a kitchen restaurant, tada, tada…

After we toured all the genuine tacos joints, walked every alley of Whole foods, raised my cholesterol level to an alarming rate in “Salt lick” (and tested my tolerance to Nashville meets Jimmy Hendrix solo guitar-cowboy. Besides, I can’t just believe my jeans shrunk in my friend’s stupid American drier), we went for the ultimate Bobo experience. In Mexico bobo means stupid, in Paris, well, you know…

A purist sushi worshiper would never enter such a place as UCHI, they would call it a sacrilege, a sin against Japanese sacred temple cuisine.

As I can tell by the numerous press exerts posted on the walls including Zagat’s, Tyson Cole is rated among top chefs in USA nowadays. The dishwashing student turned neotexnippo chef really had to carve his way through Holly Sushiland where Caucasian cooks are really frowned upon.

The place is jammed packed every day with a loud yuppy crowd.

We went for “omakaze”, the chef’s choice which happened to be the extensive list of “today specials”. Much to my liking, I was lucky enough to find the menu on the website http://www.uchiaustin.com/ and copy it, the waiter couldn’t wait, he described the dishes much too fast for us to even catch half of the ingredients.

And good it was, sometimes amazing, it reminded me in some ways the great menu I had in HongKong at the fanciest chef (I still have the pictures and have been procrastinating the posting for nearly 2 years now! Will be a great challenge to my memory)

UCHI TODAY

nightly specials

july 29, 2009

tsukiji sushi selection

two pieces each: isaki٠madai٠shima aji $35

Directly flown from Tsukiji market in Tokyo (see my entries on Japan) 3 kinds of what I would rate as the best sushi of my life, 3 white fishes, one of which lightly smoked, paired with the most delicate jewel like shaving of citrus, leek?, ginger, wasabi and an even more delicately touched with a feather like addition of infused oils or vinegar.

I now regret I didn’t try popping into the kitchen and ask the chef what kind of rice he used for the sushi. This one was long grained, soft but not mushy ; unlike most of the rice sushi I had, it served the fish rightly, not overwhelming but not disappearing either

uomaaru ebi

maine lobster٠fried egg٠lobster mushrooms٠herbs $24


A mildly disapointing salad, in fact a corean bibimbap style : warm beansprouts, lobster, mushroom, fried egg??, with tasteless lobster, in spite of a tangy citrus and basil dressing

hirame usuzukuri

thinly-sliced flounder٠smoked sea salt٠yuzu zest٠daikon٠quinoa candy $18


WOW! Fresh and cristal clear

shun no kaki

norumbega oysters٠wasabi٠ponzu $4/24

My friend loved them, I had only two oysters in my life, one raw, one cooked with leek, nearly forcefed by my friend Julien, editor at Regal, needless to say it was a big token of my affection

wagyu yaki

wagyu shortrib٠cucumber٠shiso٠shrimp $25

C habada, I am going to replicate that one : juicy marbled brown seared outside and tender inside boneless beef shortrib (slowcooked then barbecued?) paired with translucent marinated cuke, great heirloom beefsteak tomato with a hint of truffle oil, minced shiso and a gravy made from : (for this one the waitress was patient enough), pork belly, tomatoe, shrimp (crushed shells, I can feel it), much alike a concentrated version of a creamless Nantua sauce base waken uo with jalapeno, I am still drooling writing this…

kai jiru

maine mussels٠tomato water٠celery٠basil blossoms $16

A little disappointing, nice but far from being as sophisticated as the other dishes

isaki crudo

baby japanese bass٠fennel٠lemon zest٠olive oil $20

Yeeees, I am going to buy a Japanese mandoline, nowww…

usagi nuta

countryside farms rabbit٠pistachio٠brown butter $24

We didn’t get this one, I love rabbit but this is definitely neither Nippo neither Tex, but would have loved to try

foie nigiri

seared foie gras sushi٠peach٠basil٠jalapeno٠bacon $8

RESPECT RESPECT RESPECT

Brown seared foie gras, tied to rice with a strip of basil instead of the traditional seaweed, with the lightest touch of a paintbrush of a peach jalapeno sauce

Anxiously looking around to see if nobody from PETA was lurking around I rudely and “peasantly” wiped the last drop of fat that remained on the empty plate just as the waiter was grabbing it away from me.

shun no sakana

wild char٠shiitake٠corn٠lemongrass٠thai chili٠cilantro $21

A WOW again, the flesh is firm and not too cooked inside, the skin looks deepfried, so yummy, the creamed corn with miso sweet as baby cheeks, a discreet citrus gastrique giving the right zing to it.

We also orderedfrom the regular menu, 2 kinds of maki, definitely fusion :

Yellowfin, avocado, cilantro and Cie with an hoisin sauce laced with chili oil and toasted sesame, I could hear purists yell in my ear but I loved it

We also had an other Tuna based maki, served with a mayo ketchupy relishy sauce, yum, yum

okashi

chocolate : crunchy٠frozen٠powder٠soft $9


I am not much of a chocoholic, the “9 ways” association of mousses, ganaches, powders were more an inventory of technics. I wish we had the fruit and sherbet plate our neighbours got. We would have asked extra dessert and an espresso had the impatient waiter not braught the bill along with the dessert, which was kind of gross. The crowd was trepping for next service, the high pitched voice of girl parties getting loose on 100$ sake bottles was getting louder and louder, it was time for us to leave and have our espresso next door, on 1 st avenue famous Joe’s Café.

I am quite familiar with waiting manners in USA but that night the service was really a caricature. Yes, French waiters are arrogant, yes they treat tourists badly, yes they scare/cruise sensitive foreign female customers, telling them they are "charmantes", yes, asking for tap water makes you feel like you are the cheapest person on earth, BUT it is very difficult for me to feel compassion because waiters in North America are 5 times more numerous than in France for a similar amount of work.

As a teenager and a student I worked for years as a waitress in a very touristic southern France-turned hell tourist city in summer-village, Vallon Pont d’Arc, 2000 people lost souls in winter (including goats and straydogs) and 100 000 in summer. In the 70s, the village exploded, every peach grove and vineyard was erased to start campings and canoe rentals. Every garage or goat shed was turned into a “hand made local pottery” from a English factory, original local craft from Bali, pizzeria, salad bar or icecream parlour. They catered for throngs of German, Dutch, Swiss and Belgian tourists 3 rd degree burning on scorching sun and canoeing at day then getting drunk at night and indulging on pizza Ardéchoise (topped with industrial pasteurized goat cheese from a Normandy milkplant). All of us college students went to work there, mostly as waiters.Each of us waited up to 100+ sittings each at night (a little bit less at lunch), I remember going through the haze of pain and exhaustion, the excruciating leg pain at night when we slept on camping beds in the storage room. I remember a young cook, arriving each year early July chubby and loosing 40 pounds during the season, hysterically working and melting by the hell pizza stove then spending nights on all kinds of drugs (light and not so high) and boose, exactly what Anthony Bourdain described in Kitchen Confidential. I remember being fired once for stealing a popsicle with an other waitress. For weeks, we had being working 14 hours a day and fed 2 weeks old postdue stew forgotten in the bottom of the fridge while the owner and his family were eating fresh food at the same table. I was also nearly fired when I refused to give a gross 200FF fake bank note to the next innocent German who would pay with a 500FF as I was asked. All this for the miserable minimum salary, the filthy food being charged away from your paycheck, and the tips so miserable because we are asked to kick people out because others were standing in line.This is where I learned on the spot the “no passage à vide” rule, you don't have to got to Ecole Hotelière to learn that, noooo, you learn it the hard way on the spot :

In restaurant hell, you can never afford to walk a single step with empty hands, and I mean not even one. On you way to the kitchen you always grab an empty bread basket, take an order or two, pick up dirty dishes. On the way back you run and skate on the greasy floor with 2 Coke on your left hand, 2 Ardéchoises and a Complète (salad, pizza, pancake, whatever) swinging on your right forearm, yell “chaud devant” and find time to bitch back at the sweating lunatic chef who just told you to tell the client who had a special request just to go and “fuck off and introduce all kind of od objects up his ass”.

All this long digression to say that, noooo, I am not the French chauvinist,”we are soo good on the other side of the pond”, but yesterday we had as I wrote earlier the most blatant example of the other side of waiting manners :

First we were greeted by 3 cute chicks side by side, chearing at the top of their lungs : “Hi, guys, how are you, great to have you tonight!!” I felt like a long time no see cousin, they nearly jumped to my neck, I was embarrassed. Answering “fine, thank you” without showing all my gums made me feel like I was the lonely girl in the schoolyard who didn’t want to play the uncredibly funny game everybody was having so much fun with.

Then it didn’t stop, the waiter was so proud to unwrap for us the marvels of the menu, shrieked with happiness when we ordered what happened to be “his favorite food”, what a coincidence! Every time he took an empty plate away, he raved about “how fantastic” and “uncredible” it must have been, therefore turning us out from even starting saying so. He even shed a few tears when I admitted (after he asked where I came from, I still didn’t figure yet why all waiters mistake me for an Irish?) owning a country house 30 minutes from Avignon. Usually, when I am abroad I refrain from bragging about Provence being my home land, to be more accurate Languedoc, l’Isle sur Sorgue is so overrated, let’s talk Uzes, guys! To dry their tears, I usually tell them I don’t know Peter Mayle and that the high unemployement rate in south of France forced me to expatriate from paradise ages ago.

There is a legend that every waiter in Hollywood is actually an actor wannabe, this one really needed acting lessons and Clooney has not much to worry aboutcompetition yet!

Thirteen waiters were traffic jamming all over the restaurant, most of the time with empty hands, each of them in charge of 3 tables max, about 10-12 customers every 2 hours. With a minimum of 100$ each and 15+% tip, we are talking a 150-180$ every 2 hours, let’s say a rough 500$ for a 6 hours shift, more than a week wages for the average french waiter. Not bad …And I guess the Philippino cook at Uchi threw a pretty decent curry for the staff lunch. And, last but not least, I could hear no one yelling in the kitchen.

Now, next time you complain about french waiters, would you consider that : outside of Paris, where a few of them make a decent living, they are yelled at, are charged for food you wouldn’t give to a dog, and get misery wages. The good side is they don’t wait tables to pay for their Uni*, in France education is still free most of the time, thank God…

*This is a special wink for Akiko.

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